Let Virtue Garnish Your Thoughts

I've been struggling lately with a variety of things along the lines of Moral Discipline. The issues range in such a degree, some of them major and some of them so minor. However, they are all still things I need to work on.

Often my friends and I all get together and watch a movie. I didn't grow up with the no rated R movies so I've seen them. I own a lot of them. But as we are picking movies it has hit me lately how I need to be more like them. I need to raise my standard because do I really need the images and the messages presented in them in my head? Am I calling the spirit into my home? Something to think about.

I have also been thinking about other situations in my life that keep occurring that I need to reflect on, act upon, or even possibly not act upon. I wish there were a simple answer to the issues, problems, situations that come up, but there isn't. I need to rely more on the spirit, especially lately when I know I shouldn't be doing something, yet I continue to do it. I have my standards, my moral compass, I just need to use it and look at it more often.

It's interesting how I've been struggling with these things lately and all of today's messages were about  moral discipline and how to let virtue garnish my thoughts.  Couldn't have come at a better time.

"Let Virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God" (D&C121:45).

Do What Is Right, The Consequences Follow.

Is doing what you think to be right always the right thing? I've made some decisions lately that make sense logically, but just don't feel good. They have left me rather sad actually. I've put in a lot of thought into these decisions. They "seem" to be right, but I guess I am struggling with how I feel about them afterwards. Granted not all my decisions effect just myself, some of them involve other individuals. So I have to take into consideration what may be best for them also. Right now I guess I just don't know about anything anymore. Lucky me. I suppose now I have to face the consequences for my own actions, for the bridges I've made, for the bridges I've also burned. 

~Sometimes things aren't what they seem, sometimes they are better, sometimes they are worse.~

It's been a while since I've been on here to share the oh so excitement of the thing called.... MY LIFE. Wow. My life is chaotic. I've been so busy that last night when I crashed I realized it was the first time in a long time I went to bed before midnight. And last weekend didn't count when I was so sick.

Since I moved into my apartment I have had a lot of fun with friends. We have done so many ridiculously fun and stupid things. I'm not saying at all that I regret this time, because I don't. I take each moment, each memory, each activity for what it is worth, time spent with good people, having fun. I have really enjoyed this time to get to know people I didn't know as well before. Some of them have turned out to be absolutely amazing people, some of them are still a bit odd, but as I get to know them more they have good qualities also!

I have also realized how set in my ways I am concerning people. I've noticed the "two-faced"ness of some people lately. They say one thing and then do another or just say things to completely contradict themselves. This is really frustrating. I know I have probably done it myself, I am the first one to admit I am nowhere near perfect and I don't claim to be. However, I do make it a goal to be myself regardless of what people think of me. I am who I am and if they don't like me for me, then too bad. Is this a bad thing? Perhaps, but at the same time, why try to change who I am for different people. So this is me, take it or leave it.

Before I started thinking about this posting I reread my goals for 2010, or my ideas of what my goals should be. Wow, I am off to a pretty bad start. I'm three weeks into February and I can say without a doubt- I have not been eating healthy. I don't exercise, I don't sleep, I stay up late, and I eat a lot of junk food, that is when I do eat. Ok, hold up, I guess I do exercise... once a week I play volleyball. Although it's fairly safe to say it isn't to extreme of intense.

I'd like to say I have been studying the scriptures every day, but that would be a lie. I really am horrible at motivating myself. I've been trying to read every week for institute but I keep saying I'll read tomorrow and then Wednesday comes around and I'm sitting in class feeling really stupid because I have no idea what is being talked about or discussed. It's really frustrating.

So there is a huge decision I am contemplating right now. This whole idea of Grad School. I love teaching and as I look for teaching jobs I feel that I need to branch out more. As hard as my undergraduate degree in Psychology was, I am considering School Psychology/Counseling for my Masters. It would give me more of a variety and availability in school districts, I would still be working with students, and I would be using my psych degree more also. It's a thought that I keep thinking about. I'd love to take classes this summer, but I know I wouldn't be able to take them towards a Masters due to admissions and testing, etc, but I may take some to see if I want to do the school thing or not and to just learn more. We will see... I will keep you posted.

I wish I had all day to write my thoughts, my feelings, my deepest concerns, but I don't and I am pretty sure anyone who is reading this doesn't really want to know them all anyways, so I will conclude this. There are things that have been bothering me the last six weeks that I would really love to express and get off my chest, although not sure if this is the right place or the right time. As I ponder that perhaps my next posting will be aimed at a few specific topics to relieve the pain and stress they have caused and continue to cause me. Until then.... CIAO.