My Mom

Years ago when I was still in high school I was walking through the mall looking for that perfect Christmas present for my mom. As I searched high and low for this token of my affection, I stopped at a kiosk parked in the middle of the hallway. It contained framed pictures and sayings; some funny, some sentimental and a variety of others. I was about to leave when on the bottom shelf one of them caught my eye. It was the "Meanest Mother in the World Award". At first I was shocked and stood there in disbelief as I looked at it, but then as I continued to read it, a smile began to form. It did't take long for me to decide that this was her Christmas present. To this day we laugh and smile about that present. It's been long gone for many years now but the sentiment that it leaves behind is vivid and clear. I want to share the words of the Meanest Mother in the World Award with you as I hope you will find a greater appreciation for your mom in it as I did. 

"I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also. But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two brothers also had the same mean mother as I did. My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less-- not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we please. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? NOw you can begin to see how mean she really was. We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends? The worst is yet to come. We had to be in ed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept- my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.  She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did. By the time we were teen-ageers, she was much wiser and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, you can imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year. 

Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends' report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks. As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out. My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten by his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service for this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did. She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean. Because you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world."

~Written by Bobbie Pingaro (1967)

Baptisms For The Dead

For about five months I have been researching my ancestors on my Grandma Ramos' side of the family and have found about 6 generations of grandparents. Its been really interesting and really exciting. As I reflect on my family, I am compelled to tell you about my recent experience at the Temple while performing Baptisms. Some of you may be wondering what in the world I am talking about so I'll explain it to you.

Jesus Christ taught that baptism is essential to the salvation of all who have lived on earth (see John 3:5). Many people, however, have died without being baptized. Others were baptized without proper authority. Because God is merciful, He has prepared a way for all people to receive the blessings of baptism. By performing proxy baptisms in behalf of those who have died, Church members offer these blessings to deceased ancestors. Individuals can then choose to accept or reject what has been done in their behalf.
~LDS.ORG (Baptisms for the Dead)

I knew we had a Baptism night coming up so I prepared all necessary dates and paperwork to have my ancestors done that I have found. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do, and I decided that I wanted my good friend Tony to stand as proxy for the male names and I would do the female names myself.

This particular evening I had a different mindset though. Many times during these baptisms it seems like we just rush through them, we don't take the time to fully think, pray and serve these individuals for whom we are doing the work for. As I was preparing for this evening, I vowed I would prayer specifically for these individuals, really think about the ordinances and listen to the Spirit as the ordinances were being performed.

I was baptized first for my four female names, and then Tony was baptized for the nine male names. Needless to say I was shivering and shaking, since I was sopping wet, for the confirmations of my names and then for the baptism and confirmation of the male names. I was COLD! However, during the confirmations a peaceful, beautiful feeling came over me. I stopped shaking, I was no longer cold and I had an overwhelming feeling of Joy and Peace for four of the names. Those four names still stand out in my mind like a flashing billboard. As I thought about those names and those specific ancestors tears of joy came to me. Three of the four names were familiar, but the fourth more so then the rest.

The first name was Felipe Ramos. He was born May 26, 1923 and died September 15, 2007. He lived in El Paso, Texas and was the most amazing man. He served proudly in the Military, was a loving husband, father and grandfather, MY GRANDFATHER!

The other three names were those of my great grandmother, Felicitas Araiza, born June 11, 1911 and passed away January 27, 1963. She was the loving mother of my grandma! Next was Pedro Reyes, the husband of Felicitas. Born June 29, 1906 and passed away August 4, 1967. The fourth name was that of  Jose Ines Vela, the grandfather of Felicitas Araiza, born around the 1860's.

I felt that these four individual were happy, sending their love and their gratitude to me during these baptisms and confirmations. The Spirit was stronger than that I've ever felt it during a session before. I can testify that those who have passed through the vail before us are grateful for the work we are doing for them. I can also say I look forward to going back and completing the rest of their work as soon as possible!

As President Thomas S. Monson said, "What a privilege it is to be able to go to the temple, where we may experience the sanctifying influence of the Holy Spirit".

Blame

For those of you who know me really well, you know I've been divorced for more than two years now and why. Since then, I've moved to Alaska to start my life over. And start my life over I DID! I have much more of an appreciation for family, a great appreciation for the sanctity of marriage and for once in my life I have Faith. All of which I didn't have before.

Sometimes I wonder why I got married. I wonder if I truly loved the man, which I believe I did. I wonder if it was partially because it was the next thing to do, which it seems like it kind of was. I wonder what I could have done differently. I wonder if I had listened to the advice of certain people in my life how things might have been and might be today. However, I also know that I can't change his actions, the facts or the past. I am thankful for the gift of freedom he gave me and a new start at life. Something I will be eternally grateful for.

Ok, now you are probably wondering what the whole purpose of this is, well I'll tell you. Lately I've been thinking and talking to a good friend about relationships. On Thursday night we were talking and he asked me if I enjoy being single. The answer is honestly NO. I hate it. I loved being married. Having someone to talk to, to spend time with, to lean on when times were difficult. I miss having that companionship.

As our conversation progressed I told him that although I miss these things, the idea of a relationship honestly scares me. It's not so much the idea of the relationship, but the implications and the possibilities of being in a relationship. What I mean is, if I were to build a friendship into a relationship, there is the possibility of that relationship moving forward into a marriage someday. The fear I have lies right there. The fear that this marriage might fail and/or I will be devastatingly hurt AGAIN by his actions.

This fear also stems from the idea that he will do the same or similar things. I know that not all men are the same. I know that men do not start a relationship with the idea of "I am going to destroy her life and hurt her". My problem lies in the idea that I KNOW these things but I am having a hard time BELIEVING them. 

I was watching a movie recently and one of the main characters was divorced and while talking to the other main character he said, "Got divorced yeah. I had to move back in with my parents. Work myself out of debt. Try to figure out how not to blame every woman on the planet for honest whorish ways".

This was a perfect summary of how I feel and how I think:

My name is Trish.
I am divorced.
I live with my parents.
I am working myself out of debt.
I am still trying to figure out how not to blame every man on the planet for "his" honest whorish ways.

Daily Verse

One of the handy little Apps on my phone is "Daily Verse". It gives me three things. The first is a daily scripture reading, short and simple. That's how I like it. A little dose of the scriptures to start my day off. Secondly, it gives me a blurb from a talk typically from General Conference but sometimes from the Ensign. Lastly, it gives me a hymn to read/sing, do whatever I please with. Now typically the three are connected in someway.

When I woke up this morning and was lying in bed contemplating getting up or pressing snooze one more time, I clicked on this app. Today's scripture was Alma 38:12, "Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle up your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness." A great quote, lots to gain and lots to ponder.

Then I moved over to todays talk. It was by Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "We who bear the holy priesthood have a sacred duty to honor our sisters. We are old enough and wise enough to know that teasing is wrong. We respect sisters- not only in our immediate families but all the wonderful sisters in our lives. As daughters of God, their potential is divine. Without them, eternal life would be impossible. Our high regard for them should spring from our love of God and from an awareness of their lofty purpose in His great eternal plan."

What an interesting combination. I'm still pondering this and feel this is something I will continue to think about days, weeks and months to come. I know my first few impressions and I am personally struggling with the thoughts that come to mind when I think about the initial connection I made between the two. We'll have to wait and see what comes out of it.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Do you remember the days of Choose Your Own Adventure books? For those of you not familiar with them, each story is written from a second-person narrative. The reader assumes the role of the protagonist and makes choice that determines their characters actions in response to the plot and outcomes.

The reader is introduced to the story and is then asked to determine their next course of action. Depending on their decision they are told to turn to a specific page. After the reader makes a choice, the plot branches out and unfolds, leading to more decisions and eventually multiple possible endings.  According to Wikipedia a few of the possibilities for endings include:

• At least one ending depicting a highly desired resolution, often involving uncovering a handsome monetary reward.
• Endings that result in the death of the protagonist, companions of the main character or both, or other very negative endings, because of a fatal choice of the reader, or sometimes transformation of the main characters into a non-human form and being permanently stuck in the transformed state. 
• Other ending that may be either satisfactory (but not the most desired ending) or unsatisfactory (but not totally bad).
• Occasionally a particular set of choices will throw the reader into a loop where they repeatedly reach the same page (often with a reference to the situation being familiar). At this point the reader's only option is to restart the adventure.

The reason I mention these books is I sometimes find myself thinking I am living in my very own Choose Your Own Adventure book. One made specifically for me. Its true and accurate in a way. There is a plan established by Heavenly Father. There are things I've been foreordained to do. However, as I make certain choices I wonder if that's the right choice, if its leading me to the right ending. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I had a cheat sheet, if I knew all the right choices, if I knew the outcome before I made the decision.

I love my life. I love the path I'm on. As hard and difficult as it has been the last 5 years, I know there are things that I've had to learn for a specific reason. People have come into my life and I have to stop and think and ask myself why have you met this person? What are you supposed to learn from them or what are they supposed to learn from you. This question or thought has been on my mind A LOT lately. I've met a few people in the past few months that have really caused me to think, to evaluate who I am, what I'm doing and why I'm here. I'm grateful for these people because they are ensuring I choose the correct adventure in my book called Life.