What a Touching Daddy Daughter Moment

So dad needed to run some errands today and since he was in a state of "druggedupiness" he asked me to take him. I agreed and figure it would be a great time to chat with him about some of the things going on in my life. Hmmm, boy was I in for an adventure. 

First some background information is needed. Dad has a jeep. A very fun jeep that I personally like to play around in. Mind you when I drive it I am responsible and fill it up with gas. The last time I used it, it had over half a tank of gas so I didn't feel the need to fill it up. So anyways, we got in the jeep and started the ten minute drive to town. I noticed the gas was low but assumed (my first mistake) that there was enough gas in the jeep to get us around town to do our errands and then to the gas station. We got to town, we ran our errands and as were were on KGB I looked at dad and said and I quote "Didn't mom teach you to never let the gas get below a quarter tank?" and he quickly replied "you mean a half a tank!" Only seconds later, the jeep jerked and puttered to a stop on the side of the road. I looked at my dad in disbelief and we both just laughed. So I called mom and told her that dad did it again, that we were sitting on the side of the road out of gas on KGB. I looked at him and shook my head.  Needless to say we didn't get much of our father-daughter chat in.

So while we were sitting there waiting for mom to come to our rescue I text Daniel and this is how the conversation proceeded...

T: So my father likes to leave his jeep on empty and we are now sitting on the side of the road waiting for mi madre.

D: Are you with your dad or is he just the absent culprit?

T: We are together! We were just talking about how he leaves it on empty and I was going to stop for gas...This is the second time this has happened to me!

D: Lol i'm trying not to laugh but :-)

T: We are both laughing, so it's ok

D:What a touching daddy daughter moment

Lose-Lose Situation

I woke up this morning extremely happy. After a fantabulous evening and a night filled with great dreams, I woke up excited. I was excited to see what today would bring. Each day is a gift and I am trying to live life acknowledging the blessings in my life.

So I woke and it wasn't more than ten minutes into the day and my mom is yelling at me that I don't help around the house. What the heck. She was saying how on Monday I didn't help clean the house. Oh my goodness, I wanted to just flip out, so maybe I did a little bit. Monday I vacuumed the carpets, shampooed the carpets, swept all the floors while the entire time I did this with a massive migraine and extreme back pain. Did I complain then, no I did not. I did the work. When I realized I had reached my physical limitations and had over done it I went to bed. Which is worse, Trish crabby as all heck because she was miserable, or sleeping and trying to alleviate the pain? Well obviously it was the sleeping and not helping out.

Sometimes I feel like my mom is a walking contradiction. She does the same thing. I love my mom and respect her dearly, but seriously come on. So then I cleaned the bathroom this morning, tried to put all of our junk in my room so it's not floating around the house, put all ten pairs of shoes in my room, vaccumed the floors (again) and she just looked at me the entire time with this disapproving look on her face. Like I'm only doing it because she told me too. Ugh, can I just not do anything right???

I've learned over the years to suck it up and just do it, but then of course there is no winning. It seems to be a lose-lose situation. If I do something just because it needs to be done, I get the "you should have done that sooner". If I wait to be told to do it I get the "I shouldn't have to tell you to do something". There is no winning.

So it's a continual cycle of frustration and anxiety of feeling like I'm not doing anything right. Why we can't all work together and get it done, so that nobody is doing all the work... So that we are all partaking in the work and can all enjoy the benefits of being done in the end. I have found that it's more fun, much simpler, and quicker when you do things, like cleaning, together.

Me in a Nut-Shell

1. My favorite ice-cream flavor is Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough! Yummy
2. I LOVE LOVE LOVE gerber daisies!
3. I had a three-legged, one-eyed dog growing up.
4. I am a girly girl who loves makeup, cute clothes, and jewelry....BUT i can handle the great out doors!
5. I love pizza, and don't get enough of it.
6. I love to cook and bake.
7. I live to have fun.
8. I love watching movies....we have over 600 at home and I've seen probably 80% of them.
9. I love stars.
10. I dream of going to Thailand, Spain, Italy, Turkey, Egypt and Greece.
11. I love to people watch.
12. I've had my heart broken on more than one occasion yet I still love LOVE.
13. I love to go find a secluded spot in nature to sit and think.
14. I don't eat chocolate unless it's white, or in a candy bar coating other stuff (i.e. snickers, etc)
15. I love taking pictures of people, places or things.
16. I've lived in New Mexico, Florida, California, Colorado, Iowa, Minnesota, and Alaska.
17. My favorite color is PINK! Followed by blue, black and silver
18. I have a fear of small places, heights and lots of people. 

19. I have a puppy (3.5 year old Lhasa Apso) named Roxy.
20. I have an appreciation for 80's hair band music!
21. I love my family, they are the greatest people I know.
22. I have absolutely amazing friends!
23. I wear sandals in the middle of winter!
24. I don't eat fast food hamburgers, only from sit down restaurants or home-made.
25. Raspberries and Pineapple are my two favorite fruit!

God Blessed the Broken Road

I'm starting to believe that God Blessed the (my) Broken Road.

Everything I've been through has been for a reason. It has made me a stronger person. If it weren't for the trials and obstacles I have had to face in my life I would not be where I am today. I would not be having the experiences I am if I had not made those decisions that brought me here. I thank God EVERY DAY that I am where I am now, for I truly believe that this is where I am supposed to be. My road was broken, but it is being fixed and has been fixed and I have been blessed in so many ways. 

Where do I fit in the Picture?

So I woke up this morning with an over-all feeling of angst in my life. AHHHHHH. I really don't know what brought it on either. I've been generally really happy, enjoying life one day at at and taking what life brings head on. Well....yeah, that just went out the window. Nothing brought it on, nothing was said, nothing happened....just woke up feeling HELPLESS. 

Here's a not so quick over-view of my life.....

A) My dad lost his really good job in April. Has to 'look' for a new job for unemployment but in all reality nobody is going to hire him since he can barely walk, stand, move, etc. He is working on getting full disability from the VA but that takes time. LOTS AND LOTS OF TIME.  With Dad losing his job, we had to move out of our house. We ended up renting it on a Friday and had to be out by the following Thursday. The entire move was put on mom's and my shoulders. Since dad cant' do anything, he couldn't help and just seemed to be in the way the whole entire process. Granted the elders and a few people stopped in to help, but that was still frustrating having to move out of what I learned to call "home" for the past year. Of course I had planned to move out either this summer or early fall and that has happened sooner than expected. so now I'm living with some family friends from church. Needless to say I don't like it. 

B) I really want/need a teaching contract. I would be able to pay off ALL of my debt easily with a contract within a few months. Granted I get paid fairly well subbing but it's just not the same. I miss having students I see everyday, building those relationships, and having fun. Subbing is hard work and I know I can do it. I have and I will. I know and have come to understand and accept that there is a reason for me to be subbing. It gives me the flexibility to go anywhere. Of course that is the blessing of being a teacher in general. I can teach anywhere in the country, even the world. So as I told my mom and dad, who knows I could end up teaching in Timbuktu!

C) MY BROTHER. A little background on my older brother Tony's and my relationship. We have been the strength, the foundation for all negative situations we must face in life. I was fortunate enough to actually be there for him during his divorce, he was able to comfort me over the phone during mine, we have been there during the toughest times and some of the sweetest. My brother is one of the many angels and hero's in my life. I look at my brother and see the personal progression he has made and I am so proud of him. He has three beautiful children with one on the way and a wife that puts up with his 'Ramos' craziness. Jasmine is the best thing that has ever happened to Tony. I have had to pull back on being my brother's foundation and strength the past 3.5 years since he got married. Jasmine has the job of fulfilling that role now, but it's hard. She hasn't always been there for everything and doesn't know what it was like growing up for us. Right now they are going through a frustrating ordeal with his crazy ex-wife about custody and visitation of his oldest daughter Jordan. It's been a struggle for me to not cross that line of interfering when Tony calls asking for advice. It takes a lot for me to remember to call Jas and ask her how she is dealing with all of it. I have to hand over all the reigns to her and remind my brother that she now holds the power that I use to and he needs to exercise that trust in her. 

D) I've been called as Relief Society Enrichment Counselor in our ward. I have no idea what that means! It didn't help that Bishop didn't know either. He said talk to Andrea about it. I talked to Andrea and she said do whatever Cara wants/tells you to do. So I talked to Cara and she said don't worry about it! Ahhhh. I don't like not knowing what I'm doing and not having control. So right now I have this calling and I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm feeling useless. 

E) This feeling of being ALONE..... My family is moving to Alabama within a month (that was the latest update anyways). I moved here to Alaska to be with them and now they are leaving and I am staying here. It was pretty obvious to me during a blessing that I received that I had to stay here. However, this feeling of being alone is become more and more of a reality in my life instead of something that was going to happen eventually. I know I will always have my family but they are moving to ALABAMA. Could they possibly get any farther away???? of course they could but that's not the point. I know I'm not alone. I have some of the most AMAZING friends I have ever had in my entire life surrounding me right now, but it's this over-all feeling of (I guess a better word to describe it is) fear of being left alone, truly on my own for the first time ever. It honestly truly SCARES ME. 

D) Bishop asked me about a month ago if I had a testimony of the Gospel. I do. But I feel so inadequate in my knowledge of the Gospel. I didn't grow up hearing and reading all the stories like those around me did, I'm having to learn them for myself. I hate not knowing what and who people are talking about when they are discussing the scriptures. For about the past two months I have been having difficulty picking up my scriptures and reading them. It's something I just have to do, this I know. But it's hard for me. Last night at Institute Brother Bacon (sp?) asked us about biblical people and I just felt so inadequate. Ugh. I need a good kick in the butt and motivator to start reading my scriptures again. I look at them every day and tell myself I need to read them but then I just pass over them and go on to do something else. 

E. Distractions. I LIKE distractions. I REALLY like distractions. 

So this is life and the question I have is: WHERE DO I FIT IN THE PICTURE? I have many blessings in my life I am truly thankful for. I have my family who has been an unbelievable strength and love to me. AND I have friends who keep me going. AND I have my health. AND I live in a beautiful state. AND I have the freedom to practice my faith openly. AND I have the opportunity to learn and move on from those trials that I have been afflicted with in my life AND know that there is a reason for them AND a lesson to be learned. 

I will continue to live each day one at a time, be happy, love what is happening and continue to have fun, healthy distractions in my life. Period of angst now OVER.

One Day At A Time

In June I had the opportunity to go back to Minnesota for 9 days. It was exhilarating, happy, sad, and frustrating all at the same time. How in one week I could have the best time of my life with old friends and want to scream at another situation entirely, just bewilders me.

One incident however comes to mind. I had the "pleasure" of having to interact with someone in my past for a brief 20 minutes or so one particular night. It was frustrating and emotional to say the least. Being away from family and my Alaskan friends I was rather distraught and needed some major comforting. I was able to call Jenn, the one friend here in Alaska who actually understands and can bring me back down to reality concerning the situation. We talked for a bit and then we prayed. Both of us on our knees, phones to our ears, thousands of miles between us, but our Heavenly Father surrounding us both in comfort and love. I thought a lot that night about life and the power I give other people to control my emotions. I vowed that I would no longer allow them to control me. I would from that point forward live each day one at a time, and not give anybody the power to make myself angry, upset, or sad. Only I had that power and I wasn't going to give in.  I vowed to have fun, be happy, make friends and see the blessings that life has to offer. I came back from Minnesota with a new outlook on life. With a new perspective and a new goal.

GOAL: Take each day one at a time and make the most of it. Don't allow others to control my emotions and have fun!