Till I see you again....

I HATE goodbyes. Especially lately. It seems that everyone around me is leaving or have already left. Two days in a row I had to say goodbye to good friends. Both I know I will see again, but I'll admit it, I'm gonna miss them. They both helped me overcome many trials, fears and things I went thru the past few months. I am so very grateful for them and their friendship.

The Revolving Door

Throughout ones life people enter and leave as if there is a constant revolving door for people to come and go. Many of these people are just acquaintances that we meet and chat with on occasion. However, the ones that stay a while, become your friend, someone you care about are the ones that it becomes hard to see them go. You hope and pray that you will someday see them walk back into your life but you never know when, where and if it will happen.

I do find it important to define the difference of acquaintance and friend before I continue. An acquaintance for me is two-fold. They can be a person like my parents friends OR they can be somebody I frequently talk to but don't share my life's happenings with. There are lots of people I know whom fall into this latter definition of acquaintance. It's not a bad place to be either. We just aren't as close as people I call friends. Friends, based on the prior definition of acquaintance, is somebody I share my thoughts, my feelings, my time, etc. with. They get to see how I think, how I feel and how I work.

Friendships have never come easy for me, I will openly admit that. Through years of reflecting on why- I have come to a few conclusions. First, growing up in the military, moving on average every three years- one learns to not make good friends but rather acquaintances because there might come a day when that person is just "gone". Their parents have been stationed somewhere else and they have moved. I remember many good friends being lost due to my family moving or their family moving. As a little girl I probably didn't consciously think I'm not going to make real good friends, but rather it seemed to become a subconscious coping mechanism.

Secondly, throughout the years of making friends I have met many people who instead of making me want to be a better person, instead of being uplifting, they drag me down. It took me a while to realize that it is ok to let these people go. To rid our everyday existence of these people.

Lately, it seems that more than not my revolving door has been busy with people leaving. Friends moving, friends going back to school, friends getting married. I know that most of them will turn around and come back into my life somehow but not all of them. Ironically, this Christmas season has brought about the busyness of my revolving door. I have many friends leaving for school. Many friends working far away, and some dear friends getting married.

It is my biggest hope that come spring my door becomes busy again with these important people returning. They have all taught me very important things about them, about myself, about life, and most importantly about the Gospel. They will always have an important place in my heart. For these special friends, I will miss you and look forward to seeing you again!

All I Want For Christmas....

*I want a man who puts God first.
*I want a man who will love me unconditionally.
*I want a man I can talk to for hours but can also just enjoy the silence with.
*I want a man who will tell me I'm beautiful even when I'm wearing sweats.
*I want a man who will listen to me ramble even If I make no sense or am being completely ridiculous.
*I want a man who will challenge my thinking and push me to see the other sides of things.
*I want a man who will notice how I seek after goodness.
*I want a man who will buy me ice cream just because I love it.
*I want a man who believes family is important.
*I want a man who is attracted to me because of who I am not just physically.
*I want a man who is not afraid to hold my hand or hug or kiss me in public.
*I want a man who is strong in virtue and value.
*I want a man who cares just as much as I do, not less.
*I want a man who will sweep me off my feet.
*I want a man who will slow dance with me just because even if there's no music playing.

General Conference

A couple of months ago I was sitting in this Temple and had this strong feeling that needed to attend General Conference. After talking with Angie about it we decided that we would go together if I were to actually go. I made the plan to watch airline ticket prices for one week, which actually turned into two. They never went down and I had a hard time decided to purchase the tickets since I didn't have any money at the time. I went to the temple again and felt an overwhelming sense that I needed to go again. So, without hesitation I bought the ticket and and Angie and I began planning out trip.

As many of you know, last weekend was General Conference. It was absolutely amazing. I arrived in Salt Lake on Friday morning where I met up with Angie.  The first thing we did was attend a session at the Salt Lake Temple. It was was beautiful. I picked up on many different things that I haven't noticed or had learned at our Anchorage temple. I loved thinking about all the history and ALL the people who have walked those halls. It was a live session, where the workers act out the endowment. That was really interesting and very instructive.

We then walked around Temple Square a little bit and then watched the Joseph Smith movie. The craftsmanship of al the buildings in Temple Square is remarkable. To think it was all done by hand, both inside and out. The Lord was definitely with them! Temple Square is definitely filled with the Spirit. It is so strong everywhere you go, all the time.

There were many different times that tears just filled my eyes as I watched all the people around me. Thousands of people all gathered together believing the same thing. Looking back on the experiences I had and the things I witnessed, I know that I needed to go to strengthen my testimony. As I sat on the lawn looking up at the Temple and listening to conference, or when I was sitting in the conference center watching the priesthood speak to us, I couldn't help but count my many MANY blessings and feel absolutely loved because of the choice and opportunity I had to go.

I am so glad I decided to go and can't wait to go again. I am thankful to the many people that helped me get there, I am eternally grateful for you have no idea what this weekend did for me! THANK YOU!

Here's a sneak peak of a few pictures, unfortunately they aren't the best quality because they were taken on my phone, the actual camera pictures will be coming soon!

Trish by the Salt Lake Temple

Angie and I

Me in front of the Salt Lake Temple

Conference Group:

Jonathan, Myself, Angie, & Dan

Wanderings

My mind has been wandering...sometimes I wish it didn't. 

My Bachelorette Pad

Hey! So it's finally official, I'm a homeowner again. I am so excited about my new place. After a few weeks of working on getting some furnishings, pictures up, etc. I am ready to share some picture....

upstairs bonus room

My room

bedroom, someday I will have the furniture I want ;)

side view of the upstairs bonus room

upstairs bonus room

spare room/closet

back door and words to live by

awaiting the perfect dinette table

spare bed/couch in spare room

kitchen

my favorite wall in the entire house!

comfiest couch and spot to sit, read and look at the view!

rub a dub dub, there is my tub!

*Sorry that they are all mixed up.

Choose to Become MORE!

At Friday nights session at TOFW, I had the priveledge to listen to Laurel Chriatensen. She spoke about not being the one thing that stands in your way when doing something.

I've thought a lot about this the past few days. I have thought about how many times I tell myself I can't do something. The funny thing is this year at school I've caught myself telling the students "Don't say you can't, instead just try!"

Wow!!!! Ironic isn't it. Time after time I let my own fears get in the way of simply trying. I'm tired of being the one thing that stands in my way. I'm tired of being afraid. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Do the thing you think you cannot do". As Elder Scott said, "We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to be". I want to be a better person all around. So in order to do this I know I need to consistently try to be better.

My past has shaped who I am today, all my experiences, my thoughts and my beliefs. It is interesting to think and reflect on the idea that I am right where the Lord planned for me today.

I may be where the Lord planned for me to be but the bigger question is.... Am I WHO the Lord planned me to be?

~Trish

Choose To Become

I spent Friday night and Saturday at Time Out For Women with my mama, Jenn and Carleen. It was an amazing experience. 

The theme for the conference was Choose to Become. We were challenged to become the best we could be. To challenge ourselves and not give up on the hard things. There were amazing speakers and beautiful music. As I reflect on the weekend and on my notes, I look forward to a future post telling about the changes I want to make and the person I want to become. 

Trish

Just Call Me Alexander

Just call me Alexander because I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It was emotional and upsetting. At this point, I HATE everything about the state of MN. Not necessarily the people, but the State. GRRRR, they have one angry woman on their hands.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'

Take Me As I Am

I was cooking dinner last night and pandora was on turned to the Sugarland station. I wasn't paying much attention to it until one song came on. The song was Take Me As I Am by Sugarland. For those of you who don't know that song here are the lyrics. . .

The radiator says 95

But I ain't felt a drop of heat all night

here in this motel, there's no telling me nothing

I come here five nights a week

To clean the toilets and changes the sheets

My name's Maggie Durant, baby ain't that something

If you want it

Come and get it  If you want it, 

Come and get it but understand

You take me as I am

I know these corners, I know these streets

The curb-side Prophet there yelling at me

He can save my soul for a drink and a dollar

Yeah, he's yelling about my tattoos

But we all live with the scars we choose

They might hurt like hell, but they all make us stronger

If you want it

Come and get it

If you want it, come and get it but understand

You take me as I am

I'm slow to trust but I'm quick to love

I push too hard and I give too much

I ain't saying I'm perfect, but I promise I'm worth it

Now I'm standing here in front of you

Tell me boy, what are you gonna do?

'Cause my name's Maggie Durant, I said, ain't that something

Sometimes I feel that this way. That I am constantly being chastised about my tattoo, I am living with scars and it hurts, yet I know it's making me stronger. Also, I am very slow to trust, but I am quick to love. I push people hard and I give too much. I know I'm not perfect, I have plenty of faults, but all in all....I'm worth it. 

What If...

Today I watched one of my favorite chick flicks, Letters to Juliet. It is set in Verona, Italy- the beautiful city where Romeo first met Juliet. In Verona, there is a place where the heartbroken leave notes asking Juliet for her help. It is there that aspiring Sophie finds a 50 year old letter that will change her life forever. She sets off on a romantic journey of the heart with the letter's author, Claire, now a grandmother, and her handsome grandson. On this journey is where they all will discover that sometimes the greatest love story ever told is their own.

In the movie there is a quote that says.... "What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-byside and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?"

What and If ARE two of the most non-threatening words but when you put them together they can haunt you. I have had my fair share of "what ifs" but I now find it more important to live each life, one day at a time. Seize the opportunities that each day brings and to try and not look back with regrets. It is the latter that seems to be my biggest problem. I often over analyze situations and wonder what I should have done differently or if I could have done things differently. However, I am getting to the point of saying to myself that I can't give myself those expectations, I can only give myself the opportunities for today.

Life's Timing

Abraham Lincoln once said, "The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time".  I've always looked at life this way. I TRY to take things slow, day by day because that is all the time I know that I actually have at this particular moment. But what is time? Time is the passing of moments, however big or little that make up the memories of one's life. These moments often fly by unnoticed. Often we don't take the time to stop and reflect on the memories we have made or the goals we have in front of us for our future. 

For the past few months I have thought a lot about my future and dating situation or lack thereof. I have thought about how my expectations of people, especially men, are set extremely high. I have set the bar high in hopes to find that absolutely amazing man.  I don't want to settle for anything less than everything, and I certainly don't plan to either. However, what I've recently found is that when the possibility of something great and amazing, such as that absolutely amazing man comes along, timing is not on my side.

Good things have happened to me in my life, don't get me wrong. But when the possibility of something great may happen, inevitably something ends up being in the way. Timing is just not right. Sometimes I wish I could just be handed that pretty, little silver platter we all love and be told, "Here you go, enjoy!". But no, instead it seems to be dangled right in front of me within my reach but I am told if I want something I am going to have to really work and continue to wait for it. I know that I have been promised great things if I am patient. I know I must show faith in God, and to show faith in God is to also show faith in his timing.

With that in mind, I will continue to take each day one at a time, keep my bar raised high and do what I can to make time our friend.

Being Pulled in Two Directions

Life is about options and options require a choice to be made. There will definitely come a time when you will have the opportunity to choose a path regardless of whichever direction you have chosen before. Sometimes both directions are desirable but you know that once you commit you have to stick with it until the next choice comes around. There are other very important things that come up due to life. Jobs, lifestyle, and overall comfort and happiness are important also. Sure, its fine to live in an apartment in college or at home for a short time, but in your 30's do you still want to live there?

My biggest point is that when the great fork or divided in the road shows up, don't be surprised when you stand there for a while agonizing on the dilemma of being pulled in two different directions. Life effects your decisions and reasons to go left may be awesome. However you may have been going right your entire life until you have hit this fork in the road. You probably never thought about what you lost by going right for the last 20+ years. You probably thought that you can do it all and have it all and life would take care of itself.

When this fork in the road comes up, I want you to attack the other part of your life as aggressively as possible. If the other side is to go to school, getting a house, getting married, or starting a family, whatever it may be, don't delay, just do it. If this other side of your life is switching up the game from what you are currently doing, then give it a shot and go for it.  There is something to be said about just standing there thinking about what is out there. In other words, quit standing there and staying you are going to do something, instead go for it.

No matter what path you chose you will find a way to succeed. It may take time, it may take a few detours, but once you succeed at one thing, you can succeed at just about anything. It's not really something worth thinking about because wherever it takes you, most likely it's better than standing there just thinking about it.

The Guy I Should Be Dating.....

What is it with stupid guys? Now don't get me wrong, there are a ton of great guys out there but I seem to pick the wrong ones ALL the time.

I was talking to a friend the other day relaying to him about my last relationship and how that one ended. I told him how he was a great guy and all, just stupid. As usual. No offense to him or anything but his reasons were and still are dumb. If you simply can't be honest with a girl from the start, where is that going to lead you? Nowhere! Also, if you are "AFRAID of Commitment".... DON'T DATE! It's as simple as that. Of course I'm very aware that this excuse is mixed in with other reasons and all but that one hits the jackpot of lameville!

Anyways, back to my story, this friend of mine simply said, "you sure know how to pickem". Hold up, I'm not going to make excuses for myself because I'm very aware that I agreed to date these guys, but give me a little bit of credit here. I don't intentionally date stupid guys or the wrong guys. It just happens. 

Recently I was given a book that has a list of the Top Ten Guys to Avoid Dating/marrying. Funny thing is, as I read the list, I could match every past boyfriend or relationship to the list. So listen up and keep an eye out for the these guys ladies, hopefully as you read these they will help you avoid "picking the wrong guy" again. 

Top Ten Guys to Avoid Dating

1. The Flip-Flopper- this is the guy who will lead you on because you allow him to. He'll come back to you over and over again and leave you hanging dry every time because you my friend, are to afraid to tell him No. This guy may have multiple girls he is doing this too. This is the guy who when asked if you're dating, you may respond to as "kind of". As most girls have a fear of rejection, this guy has the fear of commitment. 
2. The Problem Child (aka the "project")- this is the guy who says they can't live without you and they need your help to overcome their problems because the can't do it alone.
3. The Walking Hormone- name says it all
4. The Smooth Criminal- similar to the walking hormone but he has enough intelligence to make him more dangerous. He's the smooth talker, will tell you what you "want" to hear for his advantage. 
5. The Control Freak- need to know everything about you, what you're doing, what you are thinking ALL the time. 
6. The Older Guy- consider how old you are and how old he is. Remember that it takes longer for guys to mature. Consider where each of you are in your lives before you would even consider dating this guy. 
7. The Potty Mouth- this doesn't just mean swearing. This could mean talking with his buddies or telling you about how "hot or gorgeous" some other woman is. It's not respecting you. This guy will tear down your self-esteem with his words. 
8. The Tearful Cheater- enough said. He cheats, he's a loser. 
9. Mr. I-Don't-Have-Enough-Social-Skills-to-Meet-Girls-without-the-Internet- you may meet a person online, but any REAL relationship needs to take place away from the computer, face-to-face. 
10. The Spiritual Midget-  is a guy who may have plenty of other positive qualities but is unable to lead you closer to God. I love the example, it says, 

"Imagine being married someday and walking down the hallway toward your bedroom at night. You silently peek into your little daughter's room and see your husband kneeling by her bedside as he teaches her how to pray..... OR leaving the house on a Sunday morning as you head of to church with your daughter. You look back to see your husband in his usual Sunday morning spot watching TV." ............Just think about which one you want

So you may ask Who is Left? Take all the above negative qualities found in this list and take the opposite. That is the guy I'm looking to date and eventually marry. He is a faithful, mature, pure, honest, respectful, independent, and sincere spiritual leader. 

And remember, "A guy cannot be considered a man unless he treats a woman with dignity".

25 days of LIFE!

The past month has been filled filled with more heartache, more loss, more gratefulness, more high energy, more exhaustion, more airline miles combined on numerous airlines, just MORE. Let me fill you in on what's happened.

So if you didn't know, I ended up on a last minute trip to El Paso for my Grandma's funeral. It was so hard because although I had family and friends supporting me at times I felt so alone during the whole thing. There were times that I wished I had someone there, holding my hand like I held hers for her last two days here on earth. The constant peace I received from Heavenly Father got me through however, and I am so very thankful for that.

When I returned back to Alaska after my week in El Paso to go see Grandma and be with my family. I had to face reality pretty quickly when I got back. I had three days of school left, plus two days of end of year duties all not knowing whether or not I had a job for next year. One of the next few days my principal tells me he should know soon whether or not I have a job. Seriously, he had to be kidding. It's the end of the year and we knew nothing. On Thursday as I have to pack up my room because I have not heard either way if I have a job or not I'm moaning and groaning under my breath. Finally about 2:30pm, I get a call from the secretary. She says she has Carl on the phone (the principal) and he tells me that I have a job still, at the same school. Although from the sounds of it, I will be in 1st grade instead of Kindergarten. I was just so happy to have a job, although at this point my room is all packed up, everything is off the walls, which is ok actually because I will be moving things around anyways for 1st grade!

Ok so the school year ends and I head out to Seattle for Memorial Day Weekend with Rayleen and some friends we meet up with there. It was a lot of fun. I even got to spend some time with my friend Shea whom I haven't seen in a few years. We had such a good time. I miss the city since I am a true City Girl!. I loved the sounds, the people, the constant activities, I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING!!

Shea and I at the Space Needle!

Rayleen, Angie and I at the Science Museum!

After Seattle I was home for about four days when I got a call from my friend Pete. He asked me what I was up to and I told him that there wasn't much going on. He explained to me that he was going to Vegas and his friend that he was supposed to go with bailed on him. He offered to pay for my ticket and my room if I'd want to go. So three hours later I was standing in line about to board a plane for Vegas. I'd never been to Vegas before. It was fun. We went and saw Beatle's Love and Blue Man Group. I also got to see a dear friend from high school that I haven't seen since graduation. Lots of laughs, lots of people, lots of lights, lots of walking, a few hours by the pool and  few blisters made it all the worth while.

Pete and I went and saw Beatle's Love at Cirque Du Soleil

If only I could be as cool as the Beatles!

We were 3rd row from the front at Blue Man Group!

Possibility of getting wet...

Jake Moore and I! 

After 11 years we happened to both be in Vegas!

Pete Rose and I!

Baseball I got signed for Jake!

After I got back from Vegas, I had a few days filled with Wedding Receptions and laundry. Then I got to watch Wes participate in the Special Olympics Alaska Summer Games. But I didn't just get to watch, I volunteered. It is one organization that I feel is very important and volunteer at whenever I can. Wes did such a great job. He got a participation ribbon, a couple of bronze medals, and a silver medal! I am so proud of him. He was so excited to be there and did an amazing job!

We are so proud of Wes!

Such a Proud Sister!

Wes took Bronze in his Field Events!

Volunteering for  Special Olympics Alaska Summer Games!

The Link to the Past and the Future

If you remember back in January I took a trip down to El Paso to visit my grandma. While I was there I made a promise to her that I would go back during the summer and spend some time with her, just her and I! Building more on the grandma-granddaughter relationship that really started a few years back. In the mean time, I called her about every three days or so and filled her in on what I was doing and she told me what she had been up to. I was so excited to go down there.

Taken in January 2011 on my trip to ELP to see Grandma!

One Sunday in May, as I was sitting in church contemplating when I should go to ELP, I got a picture text from my cousin Veronica. It was of my grandma. She was unresponsive, not getting any fluids, and bedridden. It was my sign. I immediately left church and decided that I had to go NOW. I rushed home as soon as I could and found the next flight and rental car out of here. As soon as I got to ELP I rushed to her side. I was heartbroken. Seeing my grandma the way she was. I spent the next two days at her side. I read to her from the Book of Mormon and reassured her that all would be well. I promised her that I would take care of the family and reassure everyone she loved them and that they loved her. As hard as it was, I also told her that it was ok to let go, to go be with Heavenly Father.

Tuesday when the nurse came she asked who I was and I told them the granddaughter from Alaska. The nurses face lit up because she said grandma had been waiting for me to come be with her and talked about me often. I was so happy to be able to keep my promise to my grandma, even with as little time as I got. That night I left her about 10:45pm. I woke up at 2am completely sick. I felt horrible. At 3:30 the phone rang and I knew. My uncle told us that he thought she had passed. We rushed over to my uncles house to say our last goodbye, but she had indeed passed. The next 12 hours were a blur as I made the necessary phone calls to family to get them into town.

To this day I am grateful for the opportunity to spend those last two days with her. It is something I will hold dear in my heart. It is something although I know I can't share personally with my family, I know that they appreciate it and I was able to share part of the Gospel with her!

I'm lucky to have had my family on their way also. My dad, who lives in Florida, was on his way and got there Wednesday afternoon with family in tow. My uncle david arrived Thursday with his crew. I was fortunate to meet so much family that I've never met, but wished it were on better circumstances. Although I was unable to stay for the funeral since I had already taken a week off of work to spend time with grandma, I was grateful to be able to help plan for it. Although it doesn't fix the heartache of missing the funeral, I know that I had the time that was important, my time with her.

My grandma was an amazing woman. She was always happy and always smiling. I'm sure as she is in Heaven now, she is smiling down on us! I love you Grandma and I do miss you, very much.

Maria Herminia Ramos

April 24, 1927 - May 18, 2011

"Grandparents are a child's link to the past. Grandchildren are a grandparents link to the future."

Breathe of Time

One of my favorite bands, Paperback Hero, has been hard at work on their latest hit "Breathe of Time". They just had their video release party for the video. I wanted to share it because I love this song! This song has a lot of meaning and implications to it that touch home for me right now. It couldn't have come at a better time...

ENJOY!

Paperback Hero - Breath of Time from WWTV Productions on Vimeo.

Life Experience Gained From Dating

I've been dating since I was 15 years old. Surprisingly never a lot of casual dating but since the divorce, I have had the opportunity to. I have also had the opportunity to be in relationships. Between High School, College, Marriage, and the ever so different YSA dating scene I have learned a lot. I have gained more  "life experience" especially in the relationship category. I've taken some time to reflect on some of these experiences and have comprised an ongoing list of things I've learned from dating.....


1. Don't ever go on a blind date.
2. Don't believe a guy who compares you to an animal.
3. The break up diet, although not healthy, works wonders on your figure.
4. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder.
5. A person should know how to prioritize.
6. Healing comes quicker when you cut off ALL ties and connections with the other person.
7. If the person you are in a relationship with talks to a member of the opposite sex longer on the phone then they you do, BE WARNED.
8. Don't trust a guy who literally sweeps you off your feet.
9. Summer flings can be fun but they are still hard in the end.
10. Date someone who is willing to plan a date, even if you don't go on it.
11. There are some people you can talk to about anything, that you have tons of chemistry with, but they still won't see you "that" way.
12. Date someone who will make you laugh and smile, not cry.
13. It's completely impossibly to find someone who won't ever hurt you, so go for someone who will make the pain worth while.
14. Like the family of the person you are dating.
15. Be with a person who makes you strive to be a better person.
16. Know how to balance a relationship, work, and all other responsibilities.
17. Quality time is better than more time.
18. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as it's quality time together.
19. If you're going to talk on the phone, don't be distracted by doing something else like calculus.
20. Hugs, holding hands, and sweet kisses go a long way.
21. Respect the other persons feelings and needs. Don't ignore them.
22.  Tell the person you are dating how much they mean to you.
23. The month of April NEVER brings good things for a relationship, so just go ahead and skip the month.
24. Actions are just as important as words.
25. Even if a girl says she doesn't like flowers or little gifts, deep down she still longs for them ever once in a while.
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to be continued I'm sure.

Life Experience

Recently someone I know came to me for some advice. He said, "I figured you would have a good opinion about things considering your in depth life experience".

...my "in depth life experience". Oh geez, is that what people think of me? Is that what people see? Yes, I have been through a lot in life, especially the last three-four years. But to actually hear it from someone else, kind of made me cringe on the inside a wee bit. My "life experience" has fallen in a short list of categories....

1. Employment
2. Relationships


As far as employment I've had my fair share of job changes. I do work in the education field after all. Finding and getting a job is a long process. Keeping the job is easy, as long as there aren't budget cuts. If there are, then you start the circle all over again looking for a job and interviewing for countless positions. With these job changes comes the possibility of moving, which I have done for the lack of jobs and for self preservation as well.

But back to the friend who contacted me. His questions and concerns happened to fall in both categories, and since he felt I have had so much life experience, he came to me. I was glad to help. In the end it is good that I have had these life experiences so I can help others out. They may not be the same situations, but I can give advice, which I remind them is only advice and my personal opinions, but none the less they are usually grateful. However, I also realized, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF LIFE EXPERIENCE.

Sticks and stones are hard on bones

aimed with angry art,

words can sting like anything

but silence breaks the heart.

~Phyllis McGinley

Ballade of Lost Objects, 1954

A Balancing Act

"Keeping everything in balance can be a real problem... Often the lack of clear direction and goals can waste away our time and energy and contribute to imbalance in our lives... Our main goal should be to seek  "immortality and eternal life." With this as our goal, why not eliminate from our lives the things that clamor for and consume our thoughts, feelings, and energies without contributing to our reaching that goal?"

~Elder M. Russell Ballard

The tattered thought balloons above our heads

Sinking in the weight of all we need to say

Why's and what if's have since long played out

Left us short on happy endings.....

It Takes More

A couple of weeks ago Brother Ramirez gave a talk about becoming more like Christ. As I sat there the words echoed through me.  It didn't take long for me to realize what I needed to do and my goal for the New Year. I asked Brother Ramirez for a copy because its something I wanted to reread and keep close always. 

"........We have all been commanded to strive to be like Jesus. We are reminded of this goal as we sing the childrens hymn which reads I'm trying to be like Jesus I'm following in his ways I am trying to love as he did in all that I do and say. But that takes more than playing pretend. I would like to become more like Jesus. But for me to take that step, to start that journey, I have to stop making pretend. Becoming like Jesus I have realized takes more than going through the motions and playing the part. 

In preparing this talk I have learned that Becoming like Jesus is a process that takes more. How much more? It takes more than saying prayers that haven't changed in length or in content in years, it takes more than reading the scriptures on occasion, it takes more than looking at the clock during Sacrament meeting waiting for the High Councilor to be done, it takes more than being nice only to those you want to be nice to, it takes more than avoiding those who have offended you versus actually forgiving them, it takes more than just wearing the CTR ring, it takes more than just saying you love your kids and wife but actually turning off the TV and leading a family home evening, it takes more than smiling at your Bishop on Sunday but criticizing his decisions on Monday, it takes more than just fast forwarding the bad parts of the rated R movie, it takes more than avoiding the worst of sins while indulging in the little ones, it takes more than just having a temple recommend that never gets used, it takes more than taking up space in Seminary half asleep so your parents won't take away your driving privileges, it takes more than hanging out instead of planning an actual date night for your sweetheart, it takes more than just tolerating someone's voice in the choir, it takes more than wandering the halls during relief society, elders quorum and Sunday school class, it takes more than memorizing the phone number of your elders quorum president so that you can screen your calls and not have to help people move, it takes more than meticulously calculating how much top ramen and water costs to decide how much you will give for your fast offerings, it takes more than showing up to sacrament just in the nick of time to hear the amen of the sacrament prayers, it takes more than just biting your tongue, it takes more than wearing modest clothing most of the time, it takes more than just not playing that one song at a church dance, you know the one, the one on your ipod with those lyrics that you are not so sure about that you listen to at home, it takes more than being embarrassed for getting caught but actually feeling sorrow for sin, it takes more than saying Bishop I need help but also saying how can I help, it takes more than saying hi to a member of the ward at Fred Meyer and calling it home teaching, it takes more than coming home with a paycheck but actually helping with the dishes too. Yes brothers and sisters, it takes more to become like Christ, more effort, more forgiveness, more humility, more prayer, more sincerity......."