2010 In Review

My Mom

Years ago when I was still in high school I was walking through the mall looking for that perfect Christmas present for my mom. As I searched high and low for this token of my affection, I stopped at a kiosk parked in the middle of the hallway. It contained framed pictures and sayings; some funny, some sentimental and a variety of others. I was about to leave when on the bottom shelf one of them caught my eye. It was the "Meanest Mother in the World Award". At first I was shocked and stood there in disbelief as I looked at it, but then as I continued to read it, a smile began to form. It did't take long for me to decide that this was her Christmas present. To this day we laugh and smile about that present. It's been long gone for many years now but the sentiment that it leaves behind is vivid and clear. I want to share the words of the Meanest Mother in the World Award with you as I hope you will find a greater appreciation for your mom in it as I did. 

"I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also. But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two brothers also had the same mean mother as I did. My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less-- not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we please. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? NOw you can begin to see how mean she really was. We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends? The worst is yet to come. We had to be in ed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept- my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.  She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did. By the time we were teen-ageers, she was much wiser and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, you can imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year. 

Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends' report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks. As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out. My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten by his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service for this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did. She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults. Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean. Because you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world."

~Written by Bobbie Pingaro (1967)

Baptisms For The Dead

For about five months I have been researching my ancestors on my Grandma Ramos' side of the family and have found about 6 generations of grandparents. Its been really interesting and really exciting. As I reflect on my family, I am compelled to tell you about my recent experience at the Temple while performing Baptisms. Some of you may be wondering what in the world I am talking about so I'll explain it to you.

Jesus Christ taught that baptism is essential to the salvation of all who have lived on earth (see John 3:5). Many people, however, have died without being baptized. Others were baptized without proper authority. Because God is merciful, He has prepared a way for all people to receive the blessings of baptism. By performing proxy baptisms in behalf of those who have died, Church members offer these blessings to deceased ancestors. Individuals can then choose to accept or reject what has been done in their behalf.
~LDS.ORG (Baptisms for the Dead)

I knew we had a Baptism night coming up so I prepared all necessary dates and paperwork to have my ancestors done that I have found. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do, and I decided that I wanted my good friend Tony to stand as proxy for the male names and I would do the female names myself.

This particular evening I had a different mindset though. Many times during these baptisms it seems like we just rush through them, we don't take the time to fully think, pray and serve these individuals for whom we are doing the work for. As I was preparing for this evening, I vowed I would prayer specifically for these individuals, really think about the ordinances and listen to the Spirit as the ordinances were being performed.

I was baptized first for my four female names, and then Tony was baptized for the nine male names. Needless to say I was shivering and shaking, since I was sopping wet, for the confirmations of my names and then for the baptism and confirmation of the male names. I was COLD! However, during the confirmations a peaceful, beautiful feeling came over me. I stopped shaking, I was no longer cold and I had an overwhelming feeling of Joy and Peace for four of the names. Those four names still stand out in my mind like a flashing billboard. As I thought about those names and those specific ancestors tears of joy came to me. Three of the four names were familiar, but the fourth more so then the rest.

The first name was Felipe Ramos. He was born May 26, 1923 and died September 15, 2007. He lived in El Paso, Texas and was the most amazing man. He served proudly in the Military, was a loving husband, father and grandfather, MY GRANDFATHER!

The other three names were those of my great grandmother, Felicitas Araiza, born June 11, 1911 and passed away January 27, 1963. She was the loving mother of my grandma! Next was Pedro Reyes, the husband of Felicitas. Born June 29, 1906 and passed away August 4, 1967. The fourth name was that of  Jose Ines Vela, the grandfather of Felicitas Araiza, born around the 1860's.

I felt that these four individual were happy, sending their love and their gratitude to me during these baptisms and confirmations. The Spirit was stronger than that I've ever felt it during a session before. I can testify that those who have passed through the vail before us are grateful for the work we are doing for them. I can also say I look forward to going back and completing the rest of their work as soon as possible!

As President Thomas S. Monson said, "What a privilege it is to be able to go to the temple, where we may experience the sanctifying influence of the Holy Spirit".

Blame

For those of you who know me really well, you know I've been divorced for more than two years now and why. Since then, I've moved to Alaska to start my life over. And start my life over I DID! I have much more of an appreciation for family, a great appreciation for the sanctity of marriage and for once in my life I have Faith. All of which I didn't have before.

Sometimes I wonder why I got married. I wonder if I truly loved the man, which I believe I did. I wonder if it was partially because it was the next thing to do, which it seems like it kind of was. I wonder what I could have done differently. I wonder if I had listened to the advice of certain people in my life how things might have been and might be today. However, I also know that I can't change his actions, the facts or the past. I am thankful for the gift of freedom he gave me and a new start at life. Something I will be eternally grateful for.

Ok, now you are probably wondering what the whole purpose of this is, well I'll tell you. Lately I've been thinking and talking to a good friend about relationships. On Thursday night we were talking and he asked me if I enjoy being single. The answer is honestly NO. I hate it. I loved being married. Having someone to talk to, to spend time with, to lean on when times were difficult. I miss having that companionship.

As our conversation progressed I told him that although I miss these things, the idea of a relationship honestly scares me. It's not so much the idea of the relationship, but the implications and the possibilities of being in a relationship. What I mean is, if I were to build a friendship into a relationship, there is the possibility of that relationship moving forward into a marriage someday. The fear I have lies right there. The fear that this marriage might fail and/or I will be devastatingly hurt AGAIN by his actions.

This fear also stems from the idea that he will do the same or similar things. I know that not all men are the same. I know that men do not start a relationship with the idea of "I am going to destroy her life and hurt her". My problem lies in the idea that I KNOW these things but I am having a hard time BELIEVING them. 

I was watching a movie recently and one of the main characters was divorced and while talking to the other main character he said, "Got divorced yeah. I had to move back in with my parents. Work myself out of debt. Try to figure out how not to blame every woman on the planet for honest whorish ways".

This was a perfect summary of how I feel and how I think:

My name is Trish.
I am divorced.
I live with my parents.
I am working myself out of debt.
I am still trying to figure out how not to blame every man on the planet for "his" honest whorish ways.

Daily Verse

One of the handy little Apps on my phone is "Daily Verse". It gives me three things. The first is a daily scripture reading, short and simple. That's how I like it. A little dose of the scriptures to start my day off. Secondly, it gives me a blurb from a talk typically from General Conference but sometimes from the Ensign. Lastly, it gives me a hymn to read/sing, do whatever I please with. Now typically the three are connected in someway.

When I woke up this morning and was lying in bed contemplating getting up or pressing snooze one more time, I clicked on this app. Today's scripture was Alma 38:12, "Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle up your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness." A great quote, lots to gain and lots to ponder.

Then I moved over to todays talk. It was by Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "We who bear the holy priesthood have a sacred duty to honor our sisters. We are old enough and wise enough to know that teasing is wrong. We respect sisters- not only in our immediate families but all the wonderful sisters in our lives. As daughters of God, their potential is divine. Without them, eternal life would be impossible. Our high regard for them should spring from our love of God and from an awareness of their lofty purpose in His great eternal plan."

What an interesting combination. I'm still pondering this and feel this is something I will continue to think about days, weeks and months to come. I know my first few impressions and I am personally struggling with the thoughts that come to mind when I think about the initial connection I made between the two. We'll have to wait and see what comes out of it.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Do you remember the days of Choose Your Own Adventure books? For those of you not familiar with them, each story is written from a second-person narrative. The reader assumes the role of the protagonist and makes choice that determines their characters actions in response to the plot and outcomes.

The reader is introduced to the story and is then asked to determine their next course of action. Depending on their decision they are told to turn to a specific page. After the reader makes a choice, the plot branches out and unfolds, leading to more decisions and eventually multiple possible endings.  According to Wikipedia a few of the possibilities for endings include:

• At least one ending depicting a highly desired resolution, often involving uncovering a handsome monetary reward.
• Endings that result in the death of the protagonist, companions of the main character or both, or other very negative endings, because of a fatal choice of the reader, or sometimes transformation of the main characters into a non-human form and being permanently stuck in the transformed state. 
• Other ending that may be either satisfactory (but not the most desired ending) or unsatisfactory (but not totally bad).
• Occasionally a particular set of choices will throw the reader into a loop where they repeatedly reach the same page (often with a reference to the situation being familiar). At this point the reader's only option is to restart the adventure.

The reason I mention these books is I sometimes find myself thinking I am living in my very own Choose Your Own Adventure book. One made specifically for me. Its true and accurate in a way. There is a plan established by Heavenly Father. There are things I've been foreordained to do. However, as I make certain choices I wonder if that's the right choice, if its leading me to the right ending. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I had a cheat sheet, if I knew all the right choices, if I knew the outcome before I made the decision.

I love my life. I love the path I'm on. As hard and difficult as it has been the last 5 years, I know there are things that I've had to learn for a specific reason. People have come into my life and I have to stop and think and ask myself why have you met this person? What are you supposed to learn from them or what are they supposed to learn from you. This question or thought has been on my mind A LOT lately. I've met a few people in the past few months that have really caused me to think, to evaluate who I am, what I'm doing and why I'm here. I'm grateful for these people because they are ensuring I choose the correct adventure in my book called Life.

Friday Night Fun!

For the first time in a long time, I went on a date with someone my own age. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal but it really is. Surprising considering I'm in Alaska where the reported male to female ratio is 10:1.

It's all rather interesting how it came about. We've met before, crossed paths a few times, but hadn't hung out at all. So thanks to our mutual friend Facebook we became friends and decided to get together.

It was up to me to decide what we were going to do. I decided hockey! You can never go wrong with hockey! The Alaska Aces were playing Idaho, and it was perfect. We could see all the action on the rink and weren't surrounded by too many people. There were  a few great punches thrown. Although the cowbell in the ear was a little excessive, but I think I finally got all hearing capabilities back in my right ear.

We then spent the rest of the night talking and laughing into the wee hours of the morning,  along with making the most delectable nachos ever, and just getting to know each other more. There was even an attempt to get my fingers to move in positions they just weren't meant to in order to play the guitar!  And you can't forget laughing to "hide your children, hide your wife" and "peace and blessings, peace and blessings".

I can honestly say it was the best first date I've been on. 

I Am From

I am from makeup and pretty clothes, Mickey Mouse and Goofy. Fingers constantly strumming and clicking across the keys of mac laptops. Piles of books waiting to be read and reread. 

I am from the fertile soil reaching tall, straight and strong. Dry leaves crunching loudly below our feet. A Flag displaying American pride and chimes dancing beautifully in the wind.  I am the pile of rocks with "100 flowers blooming" in memory of our beloved family pet. 

I am from loud, crashing waves that call me to come closer to the cool, aqua waters.  The snow white sand hot beneath my feet urge me to walk along the edge. I am from the salty breeze whispering memories of long ago. 

I am from Josie Collin's farm in northern New York with the babbling brooke and a red walkway bridge beckoning me to come walk with her.  I am from the dust on Grandpa's farm in the southwest; with the oinking of pigs, crowing of roosters, and the plumage of peacocks. I am the Granddaughter of Maria who cooked the most delicious chorizo and eggs and enchiladas. I am the little girl listening for the jingling of the ice-cream truck from grandmas living room. 

I am from the "yes sir major dad" and "blow it out your ears father". The "mute" instead of shut up.  "It's an I.D. - 10 - T  error" from geek dad to college daughter. I am from the "I was put upon this Earth to embarrass my children" and "well that recipe's not a keeper". I'm from the "how do you spell this?… LOOK IT UP!." and from the eternal "I love you" every time we leave the house. 

I am from the everyone wants Christopher's Baked Beans and the Tuna Fish and Eggs most are afraid to try. I am from the Shepherd's Pie, large turkeys on Thanksgiving, Shrimp Cocktails on Christmas Eve and Grandpa's Taco Salad made in a giant tin bowl. I am from the peanut butter fudge, divinity and coconut macaroons piled high on the cupboards waiting to be devoured. 

I am from the mountain tops of Colorado, deserts of New Mexico, Gulf Sands of Florida, and the lakes of Minnesota. I am from the glaciers of Alaska, autumn colors of New York, golden hills of California and the corn fields of Iowa. Memories happy and sad, funny and serious, strange and melodious; all beautiful, no longer locked away in my mind, but now forever remembered, revealed and recorded for generations to come. 

Forget Me Not

My family was sealed for Time and All Eternity in the Alaska Temple. It was a day that we never really thought nor imagined would really happened. It was something we hoped would happen "someday". Well that someday came... yesterday, September 18, 2010!

One of the things that President Christenson talked about was the Alaska State Flower, the Forget Me Not. Some of things he told us were so simple and I want to share them. 

He talked about Genealogy. This is something I started to do this past summer for the Ramos/Reyes side of the family. As I have searched for family members I have come found six or seven generations on my grandma Ramos' side of the family. President Christenson said that our ancestors are waiting on the other side saying "forget us not". They are waiting patiently waiting for us to do their work for them so they can return to HF exalted. 

He also talked about out posterity. Future generations will be blessed by the choices we are making now. They will be blessed because of the decision we have made to be sealed together in the covenant. 

Lastly, I liked how he talked about how the Lord is always saying "forget me not". We need to remember to always keep Jesus Christ in the Sure place. In our heart and make him the center of our lives. 

Although these statements were simple, they are truly profound. As we reflect on these simple truths, we should remember three simple words.... FORGET ME NOT.

Know This, That Every Soul is Free

I have been truly blessed by the Lord. I have been give so much for which I am thankful. As I've pondered and thought about all that I am thankful for, I am reminded of a quote that says, "What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if?" Now you're probably thinking What and If have nothing to do with what I'm thankful for, but I am reminded of this quote because the two words Thank and You are also two non-threatening words. However, when you put them together, they have the power to bless you for the rest of our life.

Lately I've found myself praying more thanking Heavenly Father for the blessings he has most graciously bestowed upon myself and my family. I've thanked Him for the blessings that I've received and even those in which I'm unaware of. I've noticed lately that I've been more balanced, less emotional, more in tune with the Spirit and overall a lot happier. I've spent a lot of time pondering where my life is headed. I've pondered agency and the freedom to choose what to do. I've been blessed by knowing Heavenly Father's plan and that I am a truly beloved daughter of God.

Today in Sacrament meeting, we closed by singing the song Know This, That Every Soul is Free. As I sat there and sang, the words resonated through every inch of my being and my heart filled with so many emotions.

Know this, that ev'ry soul is free.

To choose his life and what he'll be;

For this eternal truth is giv'n:

That God will force no man to heav'n.

He'll call, persuade, direct aright,

And bless with wisdom, love, and light,

In nameless ways be good and kind,

But never force the human mind.

Freedom and reason make us men;

Take these away, what are we then?

Mere animals, and just as well

The beasts may think of heav'n or hell.

May we no more our pow'rs abuse,

But ways of truth and goodness choose; 


Our God is pleased when we improve

His grace and seek his perfect love.

"Daily I seek his perfect love." "Daily I am blessed with wisdom, love and light." These two particular lines just echoed through me and have really made me question a lot of things today. I feel there are many changes coming my way and it is now my time to prepare for them. Whatever these changes may be, I will prepare myself and know that I have not been forced and it is all through agency that I have chosen to follow the path set before me. It is with faith, diligence and heed that I move forward with gratitude for all that I have been given, and that which I will be given. It's time to follow your heat, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.

Haven't Met You Yet

I had a great night tonight. I drove into Anchorage to attend Institute. Afterwards I was chatting with Brother Bacon about life in general, and at one point we were talking about dating. I mentioned that there are some very good guys. He looked at me and the "DUH" moment came when I said, "they just aren't good enough". It was one of those moments I just realized that I can only laugh at my "dating" situation or lack there of. So, that is what I did, I laughed and Brother Bacon smiled and said, "now that's the right attitude, just laugh about it"!

That physical act of laughing was such a relief. I was able to let things go, and I could actually see the bright side of things for a change. I've been rather frustrated the past few months (ok the last year) and it brought some much needed perspective, calmness and focus back into my life.

Then as I was driving home, not much to my surprise the song "Haven't Met You Yet" came on. So I  turned it up and sang along all the while, laughing at my "dating situation".

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts

I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track

Talk myself in, I talk myself out

I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it

I came up with a million excuses

I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck

Wherever you are, whenever it's right

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

An Amazing Summer

Summer is over and as I reflect on all that has happened I can't help but smile. This summer has brought lots of new friends, laughter, fun, tears, and bittersweet goodbyes. It would take me an entire book to write about the adventures I've had. So to sum it all up, here is what I've been up too. . . .

. . . . Rhubarb Pie. . . .  tennis. . . .  going topless in the jeep. . . . Paperback Hero concert. . . .  Camping and shooting guns in Willow. . . . . Memorial Day jeep ride and buffalo burgers. . . . Bonfire and Capture the Flag. . . . Hiking in Hatcher's Pass. . . . Soccer and Ultimate Frisbee at Park Night (and don't forget the soccer ball to the head) . . . . "Other Sunday Meetings". . . . Three B's Night Out . . . .Twinkie Eating Contest. . . . Fourth of July Halibut Fishing in Homer. . . . YSA Conference in Healy, camping and river rafting. . . . . wave runners. . . . Dip-netting in Kenai. . . . Pirates taking over the soccer field. . . .  Hula Hooping with a partner. . . . Night of the Most Delicious Food Ever. . . . . "Smurf" and "In the Manner of the Adverb". . . . . Blue Angels and the white guy being smuggled by the Mexican. . . . . FHE fruit creations. . . . Women's Conference- I Need A Man. . . . . helping out at the farm. . . . feeding a goat. . . . Signing school contract. . . . . Teacher workshops. . . . Gone Country BBQ/ Dance. . . . . Horseback riding. . . . Switching from teaching 1st grade to Kindergarten. . . . . Goodbyes. . . . . Regional Back to School BBQ/ Dance. . . 

Of course you can't forget . . . . . temple trips. . . .  multiple movie nights. . . .  game nights. . . cuddling. . . .  Beatles rock band. . . . late nights/early mornings . . . . making new friends . . . . 

Take Me As I Am.....

I might not be the most attractive, or the sexiest, 

nor do I have the perfect body. 

I might not be the 1st choice, but I'm a GREAT choice. 

I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, 

because I'm too good at being ME. 

I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, 

but I'm proud of who I am today! 

Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away.

A Heart Full of Garden....

It's been years since I've had butterflies in my stomach. 

They're back.... but is there anything I can do about them?

Butterflies

in the stomach,

Heart full of garden....

That's me

Thinking about you!

"Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full".

As I reflect on the happenings of the last 24 hours I am so truly grateful for the Gospel and Plan of Salvation. Though there is sadness for the life taken, prayers for the people whose lives have been touched and changed forever, and upon the reflection on my own life, I am grateful to be assured that My Savior LIVES.

I have taken much of today to reflect on my life. Where I have been. Where I am going. I reflected on the things that I have done and the things that I want to do still. At 28 years old, much of life is still ahead of me. I realized that I have taken so much for granted over the years and I am at the point that I need to focus on what I have been given, work with what I have and move forward.

I think about the things that others will not be able to experience due to various circumstances, such as the loss of life at such a young age. And then I wonder when will it be my turn to experience these things? I think about how this young woman did not have the opportunity to marry in this life time. She did not have the opportunity to have a family. SO many things she did not have the chance to experience. It is one of my deepest desires to experience them before it is to late. Before I too pass to the other side.

In my day to day endeavors I meet people and I yearn for them to be happy. To feel and know the love Heavenly Father has for them. I want them to experience the truthfulness of the Gospel as I know it. I want them to be happy knowing that there is a Plan. That there is hope in tragedy and in sadness. Jesus Christ died so that we may live. I am filled with joy to know of the truth of the continuation of life hereafter.  In D&C 101:36 it states, "Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full".

A Tribute to My Father's

What is a father? As I was reflecting on what a Father truly is, my first instict is to turn to the dictionary. When I looked up father, the first two defintions I found were: 

1- a man, who has begotten a child

2- the first person of the Trinity

Now as this is not a characteristic of who a father figure is but rather what a father is; it does tell us where we can find those characteristics. The Scriptures. It tells us as plain as day that OUR Father is the first person of the Trinity.  It reminds us how in 1 Corinthians 8: 6 it states “But to us there is but one God, the Father, of who are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.”

God is our Father. Through him all things are possible. In the story of creation we are taught that man was created in likeness of the Father, we look as Heavenly Father and Jehovah does. With this in mind it is not surprising that we are also created in likeness of our earthly Fathers. As we strive to be like our Heavenly Father and obtain those heavenly characteristics, it is important to strive to be like our earthly Father's as well.  

The first chraracteristic I find important is LOVE.  The scriptures are filled with examples of Heavenly Father's love for us. They are also scattered with example of Father's showing love to their children. Our Father in Heaven loves us just as our earlthy fathers do. 


In 1 John 3:1 we read “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed up us, that we should be called the sons of God”

 
Later on in 1 John 4: 7 we read, “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.”

Love is a God like attribute that is very prevalent in the scriptures. We know stories from the scriptures that show that Father's love their children. We have lived being told we are God's children and he loves us. Just like we have grown being told our dads love us and we are his sons or daughters. 

I am fortunate enough to be blessed with not just one earthly father but two. My step- father has been in my life for so long. He IS my father. He is the man I look up to, the person I look for when I need assistance, the person who guides me and supports me. And most importantly someone who loves me. We have an unspoken rule at home that you can't leave without saying I love you. This is important because we are all verbally reminded of the love we have for each other. We often hear of the Love our Heavenly Father has for us, but it is just as important as the love our earthly fathers have too. 

The next characteristic that I find important in a father figure is BEING SUPPORTIVE. What is support? To me, support is being present during a time of need regardless of action taken. This means that my dad can be there just to listen if I need him to. Perhaps he actually does take a course of action. Or gives advice. But it is him being supportive of the decisions that I make. We often find this similar to Heavenly Father's love because it is. They are closely related. However there are so many ways to be supportive.

I am fortunate enough to have a father who supports me in all that I do. He supports my life decisions. My career goals, etc. My dad and I often joke around with each other about how much he supports me. I am so very grateful for that support that about three or four years ago, I sent him this card for father's day. It said, “Dad, thanks for helping me out financially so I can focus on being an independent woman.”  Although financial and other realms of support are given, it is not the one that I find most important. 

That would be Spriritual Support. This course of action provided by father's is primarily done by example. Our father's show us the right way, the correct course.  Heavenly Father has given us the Scriptures, the Prophets of Old and of New, and many other sources to support our spiritual development. Our earthly father's can do the same. It is my father's example living worthily and being proud to hold the Priesthood that I am most grateful for. 

There are so many different scenarios that come to mind when I think of how my father has spiritual supported me. As most of you know, I have only been an official member of the church for about two years now, of course I do tell people I grew up in a Catholic/Mormon home. Dad never pushed the church on any of us. He lead by example of going to church, going to the temple when he could, he would invite the missionaries over to the house, but he never pushed. Throughout the early years of adulthood when I was in college hours from home, I struggled with finding faith, finding religion. I knew the truth was here, I knew what I was supposed to do, but at that time in my life I didn't have the support from those around me. My family lived far away and weren't there to keep me on the right track. But lucky for me dad was just a phone call away. A phone call away from the missioniaries in St. Paul, MN. One day I received a random phone call asking me if they could come visit me. I was definitely surprised. However, I invited them over and was utterly bewildred for the half hour or so that we talked since we were sitting in the common room of the dorms at a Catholic University. I asked them how they got my number and they told me they had been in contact with my dad. Good ole dad! It didn't stop there, oh no. I moved into my first house a few years later, and what did I find much to my surprise not long after? The Elder's standing on my door step. Once again my father had contacted them. However, I never felt that dad was pushing me at all. I knew that he loved me and that he wanted me to be happy. 

Dad has always been a beacon of spiritual strength for me. He has never waivered in showing me the blessings that could be obtained by finding and having faith. One of the most meaningful experience Ive had occurred a few years ago. It was one of the most trying and life altering times of my life that I came up here to be with my family. It was Saturday, April 5th, 2008. I arrived to Alaska late that evening. I was a wreck, but my dad picked me up, he brushed away the tears and gave me a hug and said let's go home. We drove the hour home to Wasilla in silence since I was in no shape to talk. The next morning he invited me into to the living room to watch General Conference with him. It was one of the most meaningful experiences I can remember because he told me everything will be ok. That General Conference started one of many traditions we share. Every General Conference I will cuddle up next to him on the couch and we will watch Conference together. 

That same trip, but later that week  I remember him asking me if I wanted to talk to the Bishop and receive a blessing. I had no idea what in the world he was talking about but I agreed. Shortly there after, I was introduced to Bishop Hobbs. We chatted for a while. They gave me a blessing and peace and calmness over came me. I knew that there was something special about and important about what they had just done. It wasn't until a few months later when I truly learned about being worthy and having the priesthood. But I know from that experince that I am truly grateful that my father is that spritual support that I can turn to and that he holds the Priesthood. 

Most recently I have been supported by my father spiritual by attending the temple with him. I love our father-daughter date nights to temple. I can feel and see the blessings that are poured upon us through this act of going together. 

Another characteristic I want to share is HUMOR. Sometimes we may go through life and it seems like our dads are not very funny to us. They may think they are being funny but they are not. Or they really are and we are just blind to it. Lately I've been hearing “Get a job. Get a husband. Why haven't you given me grandkids yet?”, etc. Although humorous I know that my father loves me and that he is being patient with me to do what I need to do to accomplish these things. Sometimes we may think Heavenly Father is being funny by the challenge he puts in front of us. We often don't see the humor in something until after the fact. 

When I was little we would go camping in the mountains in Colorado. It wasn't a super special camping trip because we went camping often. However this trip I will never forget because I had a loose tooth!!! Yes, a very loose, wiggling, practically falling out of my mouth tooth. Being a little girl I was too afraid to pull it out myself. It hurt and I was scared. We were driving down the road and I was complaining and I can only imagine now the thoughts going through dads mind during this whole ordeal. I got so persistent that it was hurting me and I was most likely cryign that he finally pulled the vehicle over. Found the nearest, most likely not clean, pair of pliers and came towards me. I am sure I let out a scream of sorts and he proceeded to yank that tooth out of my mouth with a set of pliers. At the time I  did not find this humorous at all, but it is a memory that will always bring a smile to my face. We still get a good chuckle out of it when we remember it. 

I am truly grateful for all father's I have in my life. For the love, the support, the humor, the priesthood that they hold. I am gratful for all that I have been taught and for what I will yet learn.  I am grateful for my Heavenly Father, for my earthly father's, and hope that I can do all that I can to make them proud to say I am their daughter. I am reminded of a quote by an unknown author that says, “Dad your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.”

Bucket List (noun): A list you make of things you say you want to do. Things you want to do not only before you die, but just for fun too. 

In life there is much to do and actually lots of time to do it. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it is I want to accomplish. Not just the everyday mundane things such as get a job, have a house, nice car, etc. But those things that I really want to do and hope I am blessed enough to actually have the opportunity to do. Of course some of them are rather mundane but nevertheless I want to do them! 

*Go skinny dipping AND streaking!!! ;-)

*Learn to drive a stick....better.

*Learn to drive a motorcycle.

*Learn to change my own oil.

*Hike a large mountain (don't ask which one bc I don't know yet, probably somewhere in South America!)

*Travel around the world: see each Continent!

....visit Thailand, Greece, Italy, Spain, Africa, New Zealand, India, Russia, Germany, Ireland, Egypt.

*Visit Monet's Garden and his famous water lilies. 

*Visit American iconic locations with family: NYC, Rushmore, Yellowstone, Nashville/Graceland, Disney World, Niagra, Boston, Alamo, SLC, etc.

*Sail through the Caribbean Islands.
*Attend General Conference in the Conference Center. 

*Read Bible and BoM cover to cover.

*Learn to crochet and quilt.

*Make baby blankets for babies.

...have babies.

.....get married.

.........get boyfriend.

*Mission with my husband (see above!)

*Learn to surf, snowboard, and water ski

*Learn to dance: ballroom, tango, salsa, etc.

*Take singing lessons.

*Live in another country.

*Learn to speak Spanish fluently.

*Fly a plane.

MY WISH

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big 

* Rascal Flatts

Take The Time To Be Grateful

Life is fabulous! I love my life. Of course there always seems to be randomness or times when something unexpected happens, times when we could hate life for a moment. But because of simply deciding that happiness is better than the frustration and the unhappiness, we are able to continue to love life. This is a simple fact, ok so not so simple to actually do all the time, but a fact that I am grateful for.

As I have time to reflect on my life I am grateful for many things; there is no better time than now to express my gratitude for just a few of the many blessings in my life.

 I am grateful for . . . 

*My family who loves me and supports me in all that I do. I am truly blessed to have amazing parents and an awesome little brother here with me right now. And for Roxy who is one fun and lovable puppy.

*My friends who put up with my craziness. Who help me through the difficult times and are with me especially during the fun times!

*The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Through his teachings I am guided to truth, Love, and purpose. I am grateful for the restoration. For the Scriptures. For the power of the Priesthood on this Earth. I am eternally grateful for the Atonement and the sacrifice made by Jesus Christ for me.

*The Temples that surround this Earth. A place where I can call Home wherever I am. A place to feel closer to my Heavenly Father who showers me with love.

*The beautiful state of Alaska, which I now call Home. The beauty that surrounds me every single day.

*The opportunity I got to start my life over two years ago.

*The gift of Agency or freedom to choose my own actions.

*The opportunity to love again, whenever that may be. I am grateful for the opportunity to marry in the Temple someday for Time and All Eternity.



Although these some of these blessings seem large in nature and some even so minute, I am truly grateful for them. I carry them in my heart and in my mind daily as a reminder of Heavenly Father's love for me. Take the time to remember your blessings, show your gratitude for them and you too will find that there is much to be happy for.

Courage to Continue

For the past few weeks I have been interviewing for one of the few very limited positions open in the school district. As each interview passes, I feel good about the interview. However when the phone call comes I'm disheartened. Each principal has said I have the highest recommendations. I am enthusiastic about what I do. I would be an excellent addition to their school. However, following all these positive remarks they say I am second best, the person they chose has more experience.

The question remains, how do I get more experience if they don't hire me? They tell me not to lose hope or feel like a failure. But time after time of the same response, it gets difficult to stay optimistic. I am starting to lose hope. I am starting to feel like a failure. I know I'm not, but that disheartening feeling still persists.

I have to constantly remind myself that there is something out there for me. That whatever is in store for me will be perfect and amazing. My talents will be used to their maximum capacity and I will feel like I have succeeded. Until then I must maintain the little amounts of courage I still have and continue to press onward.

Winston Churchill stated, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts."

True Love Waits

Late last night I was reading my scriptures and Genesis 29 kept popping in my head. Now some background information... I am definitely not a scholar of the scriptures, so I had no idea initially what this passage was about. However, I soon realized I have read it before. So I'm laying in bed and turn to Genesis 29. I started reading and get to verses 18-20:

And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me. And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.

I pondered these verses for quite a while last night before bed and wondered how they were to pertain to my life. When I thought about it I was able to compare myself to 'Jacob'. Perhaps it is a stretch because I do not have someone I am waiting for but there is someone out there, that I am certain of.  Although I don't know who Heavenly Father has in store for me to marry, I know that if I wait, be it seven years or however long, it will be worth it. Just as Jacob's long wait was worth it for him since he loved Rachel so much. I know that with Heavenly Father's help, this wait will seem unto me but a few days because true love is worth the wait!

A lil bit of this and a lot of that.......

So I've realized I haven't written in such a long time. Not a lot has happened but what has happened is fabulous.

In April my family completed their trip back to the beautiful state of Alaska. If you don't recall they spent the winter months in Alabama with my brother and his family. In March they started their long journey home. Much to my surprise they got home a week early. I had talked to them on the phone and they said they were 100 miles south of Tok and would be home the following afternoon. After a few minutes I had this gut feeling that they weren't being quite honest. Of course my mother, bless her heart, is not the greatest judge in distance or direction so she very well could have been telling the truth. Needless to say a couple hours later I see them round the corner. It has been a true blessing to have them home. I have enjoyed their company, the conversations, the laughs and even a few tears.

May brought the end of the school year. I'm still attempting to get a full time contract. Today I got the dreaded phone call that I wasn't selected for the position. For the three jobs I interviewed for there were hundreds of applicants. Each of the principals told me that it was close and a very tough decision. They all said I had the highest recommendation and that they wished they had another position they could higher me for. It's nice to hear these things however at the same time I know I'm not getting the contract, I'm back to square one and its frustrating. Today mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking after I heard the feedback and she did make me laugh. She said that it's possible that Heavenly Father's plans are to keep me available for a man. That perhaps I am meant to move away somewhere with him. I giggled and said not likely but I'll keep my options open.

I've had the blessing of being able to attend a Temple session at least once a month. I wish I could go daily. I am working on going more often.  President Thomas S. Monson said, "What a privilege it is to be able to go to the temple, where we may experience the sanctifying influence of the Spirit of the Lord".  I have noticed the blessings in my life that regular temple attendance brings. I see the desire in myself to be a better person, a desire to bring others to the temple with me, the desire to feel closer to my Father in Heaven. It is my wish that each of you may feel the sanctifying influence of the Spirit of the Lord in your own life as I have felt in mine!

Let Virtue Garnish Your Thoughts

I've been struggling lately with a variety of things along the lines of Moral Discipline. The issues range in such a degree, some of them major and some of them so minor. However, they are all still things I need to work on.

Often my friends and I all get together and watch a movie. I didn't grow up with the no rated R movies so I've seen them. I own a lot of them. But as we are picking movies it has hit me lately how I need to be more like them. I need to raise my standard because do I really need the images and the messages presented in them in my head? Am I calling the spirit into my home? Something to think about.

I have also been thinking about other situations in my life that keep occurring that I need to reflect on, act upon, or even possibly not act upon. I wish there were a simple answer to the issues, problems, situations that come up, but there isn't. I need to rely more on the spirit, especially lately when I know I shouldn't be doing something, yet I continue to do it. I have my standards, my moral compass, I just need to use it and look at it more often.

It's interesting how I've been struggling with these things lately and all of today's messages were about  moral discipline and how to let virtue garnish my thoughts.  Couldn't have come at a better time.

"Let Virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God" (D&C121:45).

Do What Is Right, The Consequences Follow.

Is doing what you think to be right always the right thing? I've made some decisions lately that make sense logically, but just don't feel good. They have left me rather sad actually. I've put in a lot of thought into these decisions. They "seem" to be right, but I guess I am struggling with how I feel about them afterwards. Granted not all my decisions effect just myself, some of them involve other individuals. So I have to take into consideration what may be best for them also. Right now I guess I just don't know about anything anymore. Lucky me. I suppose now I have to face the consequences for my own actions, for the bridges I've made, for the bridges I've also burned. 

~Sometimes things aren't what they seem, sometimes they are better, sometimes they are worse.~

It's been a while since I've been on here to share the oh so excitement of the thing called.... MY LIFE. Wow. My life is chaotic. I've been so busy that last night when I crashed I realized it was the first time in a long time I went to bed before midnight. And last weekend didn't count when I was so sick.

Since I moved into my apartment I have had a lot of fun with friends. We have done so many ridiculously fun and stupid things. I'm not saying at all that I regret this time, because I don't. I take each moment, each memory, each activity for what it is worth, time spent with good people, having fun. I have really enjoyed this time to get to know people I didn't know as well before. Some of them have turned out to be absolutely amazing people, some of them are still a bit odd, but as I get to know them more they have good qualities also!

I have also realized how set in my ways I am concerning people. I've noticed the "two-faced"ness of some people lately. They say one thing and then do another or just say things to completely contradict themselves. This is really frustrating. I know I have probably done it myself, I am the first one to admit I am nowhere near perfect and I don't claim to be. However, I do make it a goal to be myself regardless of what people think of me. I am who I am and if they don't like me for me, then too bad. Is this a bad thing? Perhaps, but at the same time, why try to change who I am for different people. So this is me, take it or leave it.

Before I started thinking about this posting I reread my goals for 2010, or my ideas of what my goals should be. Wow, I am off to a pretty bad start. I'm three weeks into February and I can say without a doubt- I have not been eating healthy. I don't exercise, I don't sleep, I stay up late, and I eat a lot of junk food, that is when I do eat. Ok, hold up, I guess I do exercise... once a week I play volleyball. Although it's fairly safe to say it isn't to extreme of intense.

I'd like to say I have been studying the scriptures every day, but that would be a lie. I really am horrible at motivating myself. I've been trying to read every week for institute but I keep saying I'll read tomorrow and then Wednesday comes around and I'm sitting in class feeling really stupid because I have no idea what is being talked about or discussed. It's really frustrating.

So there is a huge decision I am contemplating right now. This whole idea of Grad School. I love teaching and as I look for teaching jobs I feel that I need to branch out more. As hard as my undergraduate degree in Psychology was, I am considering School Psychology/Counseling for my Masters. It would give me more of a variety and availability in school districts, I would still be working with students, and I would be using my psych degree more also. It's a thought that I keep thinking about. I'd love to take classes this summer, but I know I wouldn't be able to take them towards a Masters due to admissions and testing, etc, but I may take some to see if I want to do the school thing or not and to just learn more. We will see... I will keep you posted.

I wish I had all day to write my thoughts, my feelings, my deepest concerns, but I don't and I am pretty sure anyone who is reading this doesn't really want to know them all anyways, so I will conclude this. There are things that have been bothering me the last six weeks that I would really love to express and get off my chest, although not sure if this is the right place or the right time. As I ponder that perhaps my next posting will be aimed at a few specific topics to relieve the pain and stress they have caused and continue to cause me. Until then.... CIAO.