Love Will Find Me There

No one left to fool.
Every wall I've built is gone.
Don't know what to do
To get off the path I'm on.
I'm questioning the very truths
I've believed in all along.
Looking back on how it used to be
I wonder what went wrong.
Deep inside my heart there is a prayer
That love will find me there.

Living with the pain
From the choices I have made.
Knowing how to change
But believing it's too late.
Every path I take convinces me
That I don't know who I am.
But a voice inside is telling me
I've never gone too far.
Whispering the promise of a prayer
That love will find me there.

There's a broken heart that's healing.
There's a life that has been changed.
There are answers to the prayers that I have prayed.
When I'm sure my soul can't make it one more day.
Love will find me there and light my way.

One who knows my heart
And sees what I can't see
Has been there from the start
And believes in what I'll be.
He will shine a light through every
Darkest fear I'll ever know.
His arms are reaching out to me
Through the ones who'll love my soul.
He will hear my hearts unspoken prayer
That love will find me there.

Love will find me there.

Staci Peters and Tyler Castleton
Joy in the Journey - EFY 1998

**adapted to fit me

My anxiety is thru the roof. I'm nervous beyond belief. I think I'm gonna be sick. I'm so not ready for the first day of Kindergarden. AHHHHH....  On top of it all, my emotions and logic are conflicting (thanks Bishop) and I just wanna scream.

I'd climb to the top of the nearest mountain and yell BRING IT ON if I thought it would help in the least bit. But I won't, because I don't. 

Peace and Comfort

I love the peace I find in the scriptures and prayers. I have spent the last two days pondering a lot and have finally really accepted and been comforted by everything that has happened. I know my Heavenly Father loves me! I know that he has a grand master plan for me and if I am patient, I will be privileged enough to fulfill that plan!

I have a spent a lot of time study my scriptures. A common thread I keep reading lately is repentance and forgiveness. Hurt is not something I want to hang on to and I know thru the atonement I can let it go. I can find charity in others and be comforted. Another thread is charity. That pure love of Christ for others. That is what I want to have for others and that is what I am going to do!

I have also been rereading and rereading a special blessing I have received. I have gained so much comfort from that! I am excited to see what lies in store for me because of this blessing. There is so much for me to accomplish and I am just excited.

The sun is shining, it's a beautiful day, I have found peace and comfort in my scriptures, prayers and in my Heavenly Father's love for me!!!

As I sit here listening to the pitter patter of the rain on the windows, on the cars, on the patio outside I think about my goals, my dreams, who I am, and all that I want to accomplish in life. I begin to seriously wonder what it is that I am supposed to do now... Today, Tomorrow, this week. What is my objective from one day to the next?

My goal is to teach. I am a teacher. I love to be around students. Age doesn't matter really, but I get so excited seeing those around me, those that I am teaching "get it".  As I look at my life in front of me, I know that I may not always be teaching in an institutional setting. I am definitely ok with that. I know that I will be able to teach others in my church callings, my children (someday) and my friends. I get excited at the possibilities that lay ahead of me. 

Another one of my goals is to have a family. It doesn't have to be this year or any time soon, but I want a family. I want the blessings that having a family gives. I want to support a husband in his goals and dreams. To work together to overcome the obstacles we may be faced with. I want to raise children in the Gospel. I know things have happened in my past that may cause concern at times, but for me- these things give me all the more strength and determination to move forward and learn from the mistakes that were made. It gives me more push and drive to truly support myself, a husband and a family someday. It pushes me to keep my identity, to keep my goals and dreams alive, to remember who I am.

I want to be a student. A student of the Gospel. I want a firmer and more solid foundation of the Gospel in which I can bases my life on. I want to be a student of the world. To understand what is going on around me better. To see, to know and to apply what it is that effects me directly. 

I love the pitter patter of the raindrops on the windows, on the cars, on the patio outside. It is soothing and relaxing. It gets me in the right mood to ponder and think.  I think I'm on the right track, no matter what others and those around me say. In the end it's not their life, it's not their decisions, but rather my own with the guidance of Heavenly Father. So in the end, what is it that I am supposed to do today to accomplish my goals in the long run? I pray with Heavenly Father daily that the choices I am making are right, that they are good, that they may be aligned with the plan he has in mind for me. I act in faith that Heavenly Father will let me know when something I have decided is not what he intends. I act in love for myself, those around me and most importantly Heavenly Father. 

Who Am I

I am a child of God. I love my Heavenly Father and can't wait to return to him someday. 

I crave for his guidance and reassurance in all that I do. 

I am a student of the scriptures and of faith. 

I am a missionary.

I am a servant to HF.

I am a woman.

Someday I will be a wife and eventually a mother.

I am a daughter. 

I am a sister. 

I am a friend to many. 

I am a servant to those around me. 

I am comforter to myself and to my friends.

I am a teacher. I excite in seeing others “get it”. 

I strive to be a teacher of emotional, mental and spiritual knowledge to those around me.

I am a role model to others. I have to constantly be aware of my words and actions to those I teach. 

I am an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. 

     I take things personally and find joy, pain, and peace in that. 

I am strong and weak and that same time.

I am positive and negative.

I am high and I am low.

I am a planner, a procrastinator and a spontaneous person.

I am serious and silly.

I am an extroverted introvert.

I am visual. I like to see what is around me. 

I am a woman who craves touch in relationships (both platonic and romantic).

I need to hear things sometimes more than once to be reassured that it's reality.

I need to experience things first hand in order to understand it and apply it.

I need to spend time and talk with people in order to maintain those relationships.

I AM ME. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. The highs and the lows. The fun and the boring.  The hard worker and the lazy person. The pusher and the one to give up. The lover and the fighter. THIS IS ME.

I had a job interview on Friday. It was for a Kindergarden position. I don't DO Kindergarden. The entire thought scares me. But I went, I felt really good about it and I waited patiently all weekend and all day Monday. Then Tuesday as we were all driving up to Hatcher's I got the call. I like how Adam put it, was it a good call or a bad call? I suppose it was neither. Neither good nor bad because I really do think there's a reason I didn't get the position. There is something better planned for me than Kindergarden, BUT trying to have a great day knowing that I am back to square one with no job, just subbing was really hard. I put a smile on my face, tried not to think about it and had a fabulous day with Daniel, Adam and Keisae (sp??) anyways.

I also found out yesterday that my brother and his wife are having a baby girl!!! I'm so excited for them. Two cute little boys and now a little girl to add to the mix! I'm just so excited. 

My family is leaving here in 2.5 weeks. I still can't believe that they are actually moving. They said they were going to leave in May and I convinced them to stay until June. Now it's August and they are still here. We have enjoyed our time together, even though I haven't been around much. I look forward to seeing them at Christmas. That is going to be my christmas present to myself, a ticket to Mobile, Alabama to see my family and the new baby. It will actually be the first Christmas in over twenty years with my dad who lives in Florida. Craziness. 

I got released from my calling at church as Relief Society Enrichment Counselor, just to be recalled as the same thing with the new presidency. Fun Stuff.